Birthday Sms message

Life has its moments
And sisters like you
Makes them unforgettable
Very very happy birthday
~Birthday Sms Text Message~

Okay, I may have lots of friends
But .................
Believe Me!!!!!!!!!!
You're the SWEETEST Honey

Happy Birthday To You
~Birthday Sms Text Message~

As the candles get added to your cake
I'll be looking forward
to adding many more years
to our friendship!
Happy Birthday To You
~Birthday Sms Text Message~

Your birthday is a celebration
of the special bond we share
sending you my sweet wishes to say
hope your day is as wonderful
as you are
happy birthday
~Birthday Sms Text Message~

As the years go by
some get older
but .....................
you only get warmer to me
Happy Birthday To You
~Birthday Sms Text Message~

Fool SMS Text Message

Why do U think I SMS u ?
Is it because I care ? Or I miss u ?
Or I love u ? Or I need You ? No ! It's b'coz...
I need a person for just time pass

Computer SMS Text Message

A computer does not substitute for judgment any more than a pencil substitutes for literacy. But writing without a pencil is no particular advantage.~Computer SMS Text Message~

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.~Computer SMS Text Message~

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.~Computer SMS Text Message~

A final word: I am not knowledgeable about the internet. I do not have a computer. I guess that at 74 years of age, I don't have the patience to learn.~Computer SMS Text Message~

A graphic representation of data abstracted from the banks of every computer in the human system. Unthinkable complexity. Lines of light ranged in the nonspace of the mind, clusters and constellations of data. Like city lights, receding.~Computer SMS Text Message~

All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness.~Computer SMS Text Message~

And so every one of us in the FBI, I don't care if it's a file clerk someplace or an agent there or a computer specialist, understands that our main mission is to protect the public from another September 11, another terrorist attack.~Computer SMS Text Message~

And then you start getting into the technical side of it and the aesthetic side and with those areas you can come up with new ways to visualise things, new ways to render and use the computer to make things look different and new and stuff like that.~Computer SMS Text Message~

As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.~Computer SMS Text Message~

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.~Computer SMS Text Message~

Computers must be male. As soon as you commit to one you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the day.~Computer SMS Text Message~

Computers, huh? I've heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes.... I don't know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys.~Computer SMS Text Message~

Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.~Computer SMS Text Message~

Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is.~Computer SMS Text Message~

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.~Computer SMS Text Message~

I am the Blue Screen of Death.~Computer SMS Text Message~
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in.~Computer SMS Text Message~

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.~Computer SMS Text Message~
Information technology and business are becoming inextricably interwoven. I don't think anybody can talk meaningfully about one without the talking about the other.~Computer SMS Text Message~

No one hears your screams.~Computer SMS Text Message~
Software is like entropy: It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics; i.e., it always increases.~Computer SMS Text Message~

Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.~Computer SMS Text Message~

There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network.~Computer SMS Text Message~

There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about. It's a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work. The trouble with computers is that you 'play' with them!~Computer SMS Text Message~

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.~Computer SMS Text Message~
Today it is not working~Computer SMS Text Message~

Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.~Computer SMS Text Message~

Daring SMS Text Message

>A fart is a flying planet, created by God and produced by men!~Daring Sms Text Message

>A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.~Daring Sms Text Message

>He kisses her gently on the lips. She does not feel comfortable, squeezes her legs, and so his glasses broke.~Daring Sms Text Message

>I am born this way, but what is your excuse?~Daring Sms Text Message

>I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass~Daring Sms Text Message

>I love the sea, I love the rocks, but when I see you I need to puke !~Daring Sms Text Message

>I wish you lots of itching and short arms.~Daring Sms Text Message

>If I ever die because of marihuana, mark on my grave, I am too stoned to get up!
~Daring Sms Text Message

>If you did not have any feet, would you wear shoes?? ...no... why do you wear a bra????!!! ~Daring Sms Text Message

>It is red and it taps on the window .................... A baby in a microwave. ~Daring Sms Text Message

>Nice hair, a shame that you sit on it.~Daring Sms Text Message

>Oké honey, we will try one more time!! How do you spell 'IQ' ?~Daring Sms Text Message

>On the door of a toilet....Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like
thunder!~Daring Sms Text Message

>Roses are red ... Violets are blue ... but a face like yours belongs in the zoo !!!~Daring Sms Text Message

>Roses are red violets are blue, shit stinks and so do you!~Daring Sms Text Message

>Some people die. Others become a teacher...~Daring Sms Text Message

>The more the merrier. The more women, the more prettier.~Daring Sms Text Message

>When are you really full of confidence? .............. If you fart having diarrhoea.
~Daring Sms Text Message

>When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!~Daring Sms
Text Message

>Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long
enough to build up the pressure..~Daring Sms Text Message

>Will we play the hulk together??.....I will be tall and strong and you green and ugly!! ~Daring Sms Text Message

>Women are just like frogs. They have a big mouth and are scared of the stork.~Daring Sms
Text Message

>You have the face of a saint...a Saint-Bernard! ~Daring Sms Text Message

>You know when you are really too fat? When you are on the beach and Greenpeace carries you back to the sea. ~Daring Sms Text Message

Fathers Day SMS Text Message

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>So many wonderful moments we have spent together, so many wonderful years in all kinds of weather, thinking of u father brings memories to mind, wonderful moments i ll treasure, these u give me sincerely that's why my dad , I love u so dearly.
Happy Father's Day My dear dad!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Every mother generally hopes that
her daughter will snag a better husband
than she managed to do…
.
but
.
she’s certain that her boy will never
get as great a wife as his father did.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Life has 5 stars.
Kind star is MOTHER.
Action star is FATHER.
Ultimate star is TEACHER.
Top star is LOVER.
The super star is FRIEND.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Dad, your guiding
hand on my shoulder
will remain with me forever.
Happy Father’s Day
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>So many wonderful moments we have spent together,
so many wonderful years in all kinds of weather,
thinking of u father brings memories to mind,
wonderful moments i ll treasure,
these you give me sincerely that’s why my dad ,
I love you so dearly.
Happy Father’s Day My dear dad
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>The greatest gift
I ever had
Came from God;
I call him Dad!
Happy Father’s Day
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>I want to go back to the time,
When getting high meant on a swing.
When drinking meant applie juice.
When Mom was the only Hero.
When Dad shoulders were the highest place on earth.
When the only thing that could hurt,
were skinned knees.
When the only things broken were toys.
and
When good bye meant Tommorrow.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>One
father
is
more
than
a
hundred
School
masters.
Happy Father’s Day
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Thanks for being there through the tears,
laughter and dirty diapers. Happy Father’s Day!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>God made a father who is,
as sweet as a nectar,
as brave as a lion,
as cheerful as a bear,
and he gave such dear father to me.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>If the relationship of
father to son could
really be reduced to biology,
the whole earth would blaze
with the glory of fathers and sons.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>I know just the person who needs “101 Ways to Be a Great Dad”.
Don”t worry it isn”t you! Happy Fathers”Day!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Happy Father's Day means more than flowers and gifts
It means saying 'Thank You'
It means saying 'I Love You'
You are the best dad, and my best friend
Today is your day.
Let's celebrate it together.
Cheers!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Daddy you are the best,
although you live in the west.
stay the way you are,
while your driving your sports car.
You couldn’t be a better dad
oh yeah, don’t go driving around mad
I love you for ever
’cause you’r really clever
Even though i puss and shove
I will still show all my love
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>A Father Is Someone That
Holds Your Hand At The Fair
Makes Sure You Do What Your Mother Says
Holds Back Your Hair When You r Are Sick
Brushes That Hair When It Is Tangled Because Mother Is Too Busy
Lets You Eat Ice Cream For Breakfast
But Only When Mother Is Away
He Walks You Down The Aisle
And Tells You Everything Gonna Be Ok
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>I”d go through stretch marks again for you.
Happy Fathers” Day, darling husband.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>God gave me the greatest gift I ever had,
God gave me a best friend in the form of my dad.
Father’s Day wishes for a dad who is one in a million!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Happy Fathers Day
Happy Fathers day means more
than have a happy day
It means i love you first of all
Then thanks for all you do
It means you mean a lot to me
and that I honor you
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Some things are just better the way they are like you!
Happy Fathers”Day!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>For the best dad who always had a smile for me.
Though we may be far apart right now,
But here’s a big hug and kiss for you
To let you know how special you are
Happy Father’s Day!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Be kind to the father,
for when they were young,
Who loved these so fondly as he?
He caught the first accents that
fell from the tongue,
And joined in the innocent glee
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>It is easier for a father to have children
than, for children to have a real father.
I’m glad to have u Dad, Happy Father’s Day!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Thanks for being there through the tears, laughter and dirty
diapers. Happy Father”s Day!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>To my dad on his day,
Of whom I am a living will:
May your happiness fulfill
Your goodness, as is just and right.
Deeds are seeds upon the night
As wind and wonder have their way,
Delivering the destined light.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Dad you are never wrong
The only time you are wrong
is when you think,
I forgot about you.
Love you Dad!
Have a grand Father’s Day!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Fathers need not fathers be.
All one needs to do is choose
To love for life, and that embrace,
Held long and hard, bestows the grace
Each craves. For all in time must lose,
Restored alone by memory.
So now it is with you and me.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>So many wonderful moments we have spent together,
So many wonderful years in all kinds of weather,
Thinking of u father brings memories to mind,
Wonderful moments i ll treasure,
These u gave me sincerely thats why my dad ,
I love u so dearly.
Happy Father’s Day
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Fathers can be solitary mountains,
All their love rock-like, steep, and strong.
Though warm and caring, somehow they belong
Halfway home to mothers’ bubbling fountains.
Each of us needs love that knows no quarter,
Reminding us of bonds that cross a border,
Strengthening our sense of right and wrong.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Happy Happy Father’s Day
Here’s A Little Song To Say
“Happy, Happy Father’s Day”
No One’s Father Is So Sweet.
Your Kind Ways Just Can’t Be Beat.
Happy Happy Father’s Day;
I Love You In A Big Way!!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Daddy, I love you
For all that you do.
I’ll kiss you and hug you
‘Cause you love me, too.
You feed me and need me
To teach you to play,
So smile ’cause I love you
On this Father’s Day
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>I Cannot Think Of
Any Need In Childhood
As Strong As The Need
For A Father’s Protection.
Happy Father’s Day!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>F.A.T.H.E.R.S.
“F” aithful.
“A” lways there.
“T” rustworthy.
“H” onoring.
“E” ver-loving.
“R” ighteous.
“S” upportive.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>If father is happy then God is happy and if father is angry the God also angry so try to happy your father.
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>Little girl & her father crossing a bridge.
Father Said: Please hold my hand
Girl: No dad.. You hold my hand.
Father: Whats the difference?
Girl: If I hold your hand & something happens to me.
Chances are that I may let your hand go,
but if you hold my hand,
I know for sure,
you will never let my hand go..!
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

>You’ve seen me laugh
You’ve seen me cry
And always you were there with me
I may not have always said it
But
thanks and I love you
Happy Father’s Day
~Fathers Day SMS Text Message~

Angry SMS Text Message

>"Anger is the only evil which makes love invisible for a minute.
And love is the only suspicious thing which is visible even after anger.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with people.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself: ‘I used to be angry every day; then every other day; now only every third or fourth day.’ When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>An angry husband returned home one night to find his wifein bed with a naked man. ‘What are you doing’ he shouted.To which his wife said to her lover ‘See, I told you he was stupid’
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>ANGER is an acid that does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored, that to anything on which it is poured.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!" Tryinghis best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>Do something that makes a difference - because, by God, there's a lot to make you angry.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>God made daylight n called it the SUN.
God made entertainment n called it FUN.
God made nightlight n called it the MOON.
God made U n called CARTOON.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>How to catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and just be yourself.
Squirrels will come to you on their own.
Because they just love NUTS .
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>I am a dog and u r a flower,
so let me lift my leg n give u a shower!
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

>I feel the anger rize up in me
The same anger
That makes me bleed
Inside
In my heart and in my soul
Killing me.
~Angry SMS Text Message~

Flirt sms

?It is deaf and it wants to have sex with you...................... What do you say?


?Do you know that you would look great with two pounds less ... in my opinion those clothes weigh exactly two pounds !


?You are just like a Bounty ... a piece of paradise on earth!


?You're eyes are soft en tender,as sweet as they can be.There's one thing you must remember, you are the one for me!!!


?There are so many people in the world but in my world there's only one and that's you!!!


?I want to share everything with you, your sadness, your happy moments, every single second of the day.


?Do your feet never hurt ???? ... You are wondering around my thoughts all day long....


?Love is in the air... shit if only I had a plane right now ...


?When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why,just make a wish. Trust me it will come true,'cause I did it and I found you.


?I do not think much, I do not think often, but when I do think, I think of you


?I love all the stars in the sky, but they are nothing compared to the ones in your eyes!


?You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree,but the best way to fall,is to fall in love with me.


?If flowers were dreams that would last for ever, I would pick the most beautiful ones to send to you


?Be smart, be clever, put me in your heart, 4-ever.


?Don't listen to your mind. Listen always to your heart!


?If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window grabs you and puts you in a sack don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for CHRISTMAS


?If I had a penny every time I thought of you, I'd still miss you,but at least I would be rich!


?Passion running trough my veins, trembling, waiting, reason is fading. Overpowering desire sets my skin on fire!


?Somewhere, someone dreams of your smile and finds your presence in life so worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true that someone, somewhere, is thinking of you.


?Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart!


?If I was a fly, I would fly to you now... but I'm not so I need to stay home and cry!


?Since I met you people are wonders and live is a big party...


?What ever you say, what ever you do, I will always love you


?If loving you is wrong,then I don't wanna be right.My love for you is strong and brighter than any light.The way we must go is long,but we'll win every fight.


?At night I cannot sleep and during the day I dream of you...


?Life is much brighter with you around !


?Don't let your mind rule over your heart.


?You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree ... but the best way is to fall in love with ME


?If you would see yourself the way I do, you would wish you where as beautiful as you ...


?Sometimes words are hard to find, to form that perfect line to let you know you're always on my mind!


?Even when it is rainy the sun is shining in your smile.


?If a kiss on your lips tastes as sweat as a raindrop I want it to rain for ever .......


?I will give you one kiss to go to sleep. I give you two kisses to dream. I give you an endless row of kisses to, when you wake up in the morning, think of me.


?It must have been a rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't really rain, the sky was crying because it lost his most beautifull angel...!


?The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell !


?Where ever you're going, I'm going your way !


?Are you free for the rest of your life?


?If all the boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good swimmer I would be ?


?During maths I was thinking of you but I cannot calculate how much I love you!!


?I am sending you to an island full of kisses on a sea of love!


?Love is...looking whether he is looking, and when he does, certainly not looking back!!


?Do you have a coin? I want to call your parents to thank them.


?I wanted to put something incredibly beautiful, sweet, nice, sensitive, erotic and funny on you screen, but unfortunately I do not fit on it.


?I cannot think of a good opening sentence, so will we just say good-bye ???


?I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN how much have you been drinking?


?If I could rewrite the alphabet I'd put U and I together!


?Hello, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart!


?Your daddy must be a terrorist 'cus you're DA BOMB!


?Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?


?I must have been born under a lucky star, to find a friend as nice as you are, and I will follow the rainbow until the end, if you promise forever to be my friend!


?Ferrari's are red, Lambo's are blue... but I am as happy in a mini with you.


?Every man dreams of a beautiful woman, so do I ... I dream of you.


?If love is a crime, lock me up, i'm guilty baby


?If God would have created something more beautiful than you he would have kept it to himself.


?Can I have your picture, so Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me .


?In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.


?Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.


?Have you drilled the butterflies in your stomach gedresseerd? I haven't!


?I saw you at a distance but you never approached, but that what did never happen, never passes!


?If love is blind, how will she find me ?


?Never make love in the garden or in the fields...... For love might be blind but your neighbours not!


?The less you open up to others, the more you will suffer.


?Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself, because I like you, you're my friend!!!


?There is a clown in my heart. Small and very special, he can dance and jump, laugh and sing ... are you sad and crying, you can borrow him.


?I love the spring mornings, the afternoons in autumn, the winter evenings and the summer nights....but you I love more !


?I would have answered your letter soonerb but you did not write me one.


?I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!!!!!

?I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead

?Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

?I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse!

Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!

?I want triplets You want twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins!

?Of all the babes ur my selection.please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are clean for ur
Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!

?If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays?

Cool JOkes

MATCHES

MuM: Have you brought the matches home? Son: Yes! Mum: Are they working??? Son: Yes! I have try up all the fire macthes... It's working.



?KNOWING YOURSELF

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.



? WHO YOU TRUST

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

Marriage Jokes

?Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

?Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.

?A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

?A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

?There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."



?Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

?Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

?Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

?Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole



?The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...

?The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words
...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)

?Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

?A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

?There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

?I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...

?Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.

?One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

?What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

?Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

?After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

?I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

?I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward

?Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

?The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge

?A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

?A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne

?Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown

?Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

?Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith

?There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran

?The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde

?An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

?Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

?A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.

?They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

?There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood

?The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.

?A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman

?Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

?After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi

?A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

?The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman

?Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West

?The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher

?I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann

?I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli

?I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker

?When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

?Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

?Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus

?By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

?A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland

?Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

?All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron

?Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman

?Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton

?My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

?I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

?I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow

?Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman

?To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...

?To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.

?To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!

?Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"

?You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.

?May the best of your past be the worst of your future

?Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets!

?May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment

?To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!

?Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

?May you grow old on one pillow.

?Dear [bride's name],

?Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself?
[Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again

?I've known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one,
I toast to you

?Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework.

?To the Bride and Groom - may the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out

?To the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life...

?To my wife...my bride...my joy

?May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam.

?May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

?A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to you, my beautiful bride.

?May our children be blessed with rich parents

?Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.

Adult Jokes

Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

?Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.

?Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

?The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

?Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.

?A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

?Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?

?rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

?LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH